St Valentines Day - Valentines Day Jokes

What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine's Day?
Ughs and kisses!

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

Why did the cannibal break up with his girlfriend?
She didn't suit his taste!

What did the pencil say to the paper?
"I dot my i's on you!"

What did the elephant say to his girlfriend?
"I love you a ton!"

What did one pickle say to the other?
"You mean a great dill to me."

Liz: "I can't be your valentine for medical reasons."
Jon: "Really?"
Liz: "Yeah, you make me sick!"

Why do valentines have hearts on them?
Because spleens would look pretty gross!

What would you get if you crossed a dog with a valentine card?
A card that says, "I love you drool-ly!"
What did the painter say to her boyfriend?
"I love you with all my art!"

Who sends a thousand valentines cards signed, "guess who"?
A divorce lawyer.

What do farmers give their wives on Valentine's Day?
A Hog and kisses!

Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
Sure, they're very scent-imental!

What did the French chef give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A hug and a quiche!

Why didn't Cupid shoot his arrow at the lawyer's heart?
Because even Cupid can't hit a target that small!

What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Forget me nuts.

A woman awoke excitedly on Valentine's Day and announced enthusiastically to her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day! What do you think it means?"

With certainty in his voice, the man said, "You'll know tonight."

That evening the man came home with a small package and handed it to his wife. With anxious anticipation the woman quickly opened the package to find a book entitled - "The meaning of Dreams".